Confessions of a nosy neighbour

I am something of a failure as a nosy neighbour. I never notice anything - I completely missed the armed police and sniffer dogs searching the street when there was an armed robbery at a nearby bookies. Now that we have double glazing I hear even less.

However, Sunday afternoon I did actually notice that an argument was taking place, but I was a little rushed and I thought it was not the right thing to do to go out and gawp. I knew it was the gentleman next door, who is lovely but will stand no nonsense. I decided that it would look very bad if I actually went out as a spectator.

I carried on until I realised that there were three policemen outside! I thought it must be serious, three policemen on a Sunday afternoon. Tried to discreetly crane around my curtains, but I got no clues.

Monday came, and I was torn. Should I call round to the lovely people next door and ask whether they had a visit from the boys in blue? Should I wait until they mention it? I was absolutely caught between trying to be a reasonable, sensible, non-of-my-business neighbour and desperate curiosity. I was confident it would not be anything dreadful if it was due to the people next door but what was it?

I felt somewhat let down when I found out that 'Her three doors down' had been a little upset when her sister couldn't park directly outside her house (I have mentioned the congestion around here) so she complained. She does tend to go at these sort of things like a bull in a china shop and when the gentleman next door refused to move after all (as there was space within yards and the people involved were all able bodied) she called the police and complained that the gentleman next door had been verbally abusive.

I had to think about this. 'Her three doors down' has a vocabulary that would get little bear's mouth washed out with soap. I mean, I know all the words, and you need to be able to let off steam, but really the language is, well, industrial. When she gets into full flow, she could strip paint. I can see her point, it is like living in a garage forecourt, but if you just say something reasonable to the gentleman next door then all the cars are moved and there is no problem. And her calling someone else verbally abusive...

I haven't heard her side of the story, but I do have trouble feeling for her. If I say that she makes Lily Savage look like Barbara Cartland, I would be exaggerating for comical effect. Unfortunately, I think I would be exaggerating less than you would think.