Before 10am

Little bear woke me early (clocks have gone back) telling me in a mournful but piercing voice that 'Mummeeeee, it's morning.'

So OH, sleeping on the sofa, got woken up around half an hour earlier than he needed to, and if you have been on short rations then half an hour is a lot. But he was very patient. I popped out for darling father's paper and some milkshake for little bear before he went to work.

A little later I was just calling darling uncle when little bear was gloriously, copiously sick, with milkshake, all over the dense pile carpet in the study. So, first things first, I clean up little bear. He is beside himself - I won't just wipe down his fabric knight's costume (which he slept in last night) and insist that I wash the sick off it. This is NOT FAIR! I also have to wipe his sandals (in November!) but they are not too bad. He tearfully supervises me washing the knight's tunic in the sink, then allows me to change him.

At this point darling father pops out to get a second copy of the paper, because I was too caught up to mention anything until the door closed behind him.

Then I scrub, and scrub, and scrub, and I think I have got most of the yeurk out. I used vast quantities of Stardrops Antibacterial spray, followed by Febreeze. I have put a pan of cloves and water on to simmer, and I have opened a window. It is not quite enough.

Then I dash downstairs to make darling father's bacon buttie. All I can say is, who the heck cuts themselves on a plastic bacon carton - it's plastic for crying out loud! I mean, cutting myself on plastic!

So the bloodstained rasher goes in the bin, and now I have to call back darling uncle.

I want laminate flooring!