I am a bad mother

It was my turn to sleep downstairs. I don't like the sofa, so I sleep on the study floor.

This morning I woke up half way up the stairs. It was 6am and little bear was shouting 'I want my mummy!' I think he woke up with a jump, I certainly did as my conscious mind woke up well behind my legs.
'Want to get up - I had enough sleep.' little bear said firmly. And loudly. I was desperately aware of OH and darling father trying to sleep. So, downstairs we went and I explained that I had not had enough sleep even if he had, gave him some cereal and a bribery of a small packet of chocolate buttons and crawled back under the duvet.

Guilt hit me. I had left my poor child in front of Playhouse Disney while I slept. Or tried to sleep. What sort of a mother was I?

I couldn't help it, I was desperate to at least doze, but I was listening out for any trouble. Was that smoke I could smell? Someone, somewhere, was making very well done toast. But it wasn't little bear. He was watching Little Einsteins which is a programme with four irritating children who announce the plot to each other. I tried digging under the duvet. Oh no! The music for the day was the William Tell Overture!

Evil cat was not impressed by this whole business. I had fed her when I got little bear his cereal, but it was still far too early for her. Besides, she wanted to sleep on the pillow. It is very hard to sleep when you are trying not to inhale a cat's tail. I sat up to blow my nose and evil cat shifted slightly to claim possession.

I grabbed a spare cushion, adjusted my position and dug under the duvet again. I was trying to just doze, just a little bit. I was absolutely exhausted and the headache I have had for the past three days was making itself felt. I was almost getting there, despite evil cat's snores, when little bear started singing along to the theme tune.

I mentally groaned. Also little bear had had a late night, so I just knew that I would have a dreadful day with an overtired little bear. The chances of him having a nap in the afternoon were not good either - the kids keep knocking the door to see if little bear and his toys can come out to play. Particularly his toys.

Little bear came in to see what I was doing. I kept my eyes firmly closed, and tried to ignore evil cat's snores. He trotted out again. I listened. There was a long, unnerving silence, until he started doing the actions for the little Einsteins' rocket.

I was doing quite well, I could dimly hear little bear being safe, I was warm, I was gently calming down, then evil cat sat on my hair. There was a lull in the living room as well, so I staggered in (there is only a connecting door between the two, and of course it was open) and little bear was trying to climb over the arm of the sofa using the broom handle and wearing two silicone oven gloves. Which is, actually, perfectly usual behaviour for him. I decided to cut my losses and get up.

Of course then I had the fun of trying to persuade little bear that really he shouldn't watch mummy get dressed...

In short, I had a massive guilt trip about putting him in front of the tv while I slept - and didn't actually get any sleep.

Edited to add - I tried to sleep for fifteen minutes or so, less than the full episode - little bear wasn't at risk, promise!