Off the Christmas List

Things I do not need to buy for Christmas.

I am not buying (or making) mince pies. None of us is that fond of them really. I mean, they're okay, and when the packet that I don't really want inevitably lands on the table they will be eaten. Just not with great anticipation.

I am not buying or making a starter for Christmas dinner. No matter how hard I try with portion control, we are always too stuffed after just the dinner and we have Christmas pudding for tea. One year I forgot the meat and we didn't notice.

Nor am I messing about with Buck's Fizz cocktails for breakfast. I may be able to coax a spoonful of cereal down little bear but the odds are against it. He will be stuffing himself on whatever chocolate and sweets he can blag. Other options will be toast or porridge.

I definitely do not need to buy wrapping paper or cards - there is a minor mountain of both in the corner of the room, even without little bear's artistic contribution.

I am not getting a huge tin of sweets this year, nor of chocolate biscuits. There will be plenty of other goodies but all we do is eat them and then feel sick.

I am not getting outside lights. Nor will decorations go up in November. Unless you are uber cool, efficient and organised with the decorating sense of Anthea Turner, it is really hard to get them to look good for any length of time. My Nice Next Door Neighbour's decorations go up shortly after Guy Fawkes Night. It puts me right off the Christmas Spirit.

I am not getting forty five different kinds of pickles. We open them all, eat the top third and then I throw the rest out in February.

Bah humbug!