I am a hypocrite about cards

Wean - I think you are right. I am really bad at remembering cards etc, and do feel v guilty about it. But I do like sending a birthday card that fits, that suits the person. I am a little restricted as I only buy from my local newsagents, who do have a brilliant range, but it isn't vast. I just believe in buying local.

I love sending cards but I hate the commercial pressure. And I really, really hate the commercial pressure that means that we should feel guilty for not spending money on something that is an invention of the card industry. I used to print our own cards, but OH didn't like that.

I have a weird background to birthday cards. My mother died two days before my birthday. I was staying at her house, and stayed for the week trying to sort stuff out. OH came up for the funeral, and brought a carrier bag full of cards, evenly divided between birthday cards and sympathy cards. So birthday cards to me are nice because of the thought, but I don't really think about them much.

Also, I can't be having with Valentine's day as it is now so commercial, I can't be having with a lot of fuss at Mother's Day at the moment, with little bear being so young, and I really don't want to be reminded of my wedding anniversary. I am a bit of a dead loss to the card industry. I even bought my last lot of Christmas cards in bulk from Approved Food. I do try and remember birthdays with nice cards though, sometimes in quantity from me, little bear, evil cat....

I am a hypocrite

Morgan - you are right about the handwritten notes. On the one hand I will send drifts of cards - from evil cat, from little bear, from OH and me, etc. I have even been known to send them in separate envelopes, paying extra for the stamps rather than saving with the cards all in one envelope, as I think it is sometimes nice to have a lot of cards land on the mat. It is my way of showing that I am thinking of someone. It shows that bit more care than an email or text.

On the other hand - I hate that you feel obliged to send cards at all sorts of triggers. If you are unable to see someone at Easter, and send a religious card from one religious person to another, then that is fine, I am right behind that. On the other hand, from one non-religious neighbour to another, a card with a fluffy bunny on is ridiculous and a way for the card shops to extort money.

I am also a bit of a grump about wrapping paper. Everything gets wrapped in the plain gold stuff I got on sale from Matalan. The thought of maintaining a file of different types of wedding/christening/birthday paper horrifies me. I am far too disorganised to get it right, and with my wrapping skills, you could never tell anyway! I spend a lot of thought on gifts inside the packaging, but usually have an epic fail with the wrapping.

The other thing is, I am entirely behind sending cards of condolence. It can make a real difference. I don't mind the card shops selling them!

I tagged my post as controversial, and I am torn about it. On one hand I love being able to send cards to show someone I love them, to say I am pleased that they passed an exam or a driving test, that I hope that they get better soon. I can be really prolific. On the other hand I hate this growing and relentless social pressure to spend more and more on cards for more and more occasions that are not as old as little bear. The Mother's Day card to a lady who was pregnant, from the bump, is so astonishing to me.

Also, I think it is a sad sign of the times. Instead of congratulating a pregnant lady, and joking about how this time next year she will be getting a card, it seems necessary to pay out money to send a card. There always seems to have to be something material involved.

I think I have more or less defined my feelings - I resent spending money on a card that is for an event that has been created by a card company where I wouldn't otherwise have sent a note if cards didn't exist. I resent over big cards and over glossy cards that are expensive, difficult to carry and either take up far too much storage or won't recycle. And I saw last Friday too many people with a haunted and stressed expression wondering if they had done enough to meet the expectations of mother's day, and all the worry and hassle that has nothing to do with love from mother to child and everything to do with marketing campaigns and materialism.

On the other hand, I really like the lady who runs the florist at the end of the street, and she was open at 6am on Sunday, and sold everything! So I (hypocritically) am glad she made a profit. I just wonder how many flowers were bought out of love, and how many out of duty and a guilty conscience, and how much as a substitute for spending time with their mother. I think most out of love.

Cards taking over

OH was in the newsagents with little bear. I said I hadn't really wanted to be bothered with Mother's Day as little bear was not only full of chickenpox but probably a little too young to really get to grips with it. I am becoming less and less interested in times where you have to behave in a certain way just because it is a certain date - Christmas and Easter excepted. All this mother's day, valentine's day, secretaries day thing seems to be set up just to sell cards. Mother's day in the UK was originally nothing to do with a biological mother. It was to do with church law.

(for those interested - in the middle ages churches had legal dues and were entitled to charge not only tithes but had the second best beast of a serf when they died, fees for burial, fees for baptism etc - marriage only became a church matter a lot later - and it could make a tidy profit. So if a church had previously covered a large area that included many village, and someone built a church in one of those villages, then the original, or mother, church would lose out financially. It was usually agreed that churches that would encroach on existing rights would be subordinate to the 'mother' church, give them a cut of the money and once a year, during Lent, would process back to the mother church to confirm that the original church still had the right to take the money. This was the origin of Mothering Sunday.)

I seem to be in a bit of a minority, however. OH came back and told me that someone had been buying cards headed up, 'to mummy from your bump'. That's right, a mother's day card to a lady who had not yet had the baby.

I think my jaw hit the floor.

Now I am fine if someone wants to buy into the card frenzy and get cards. That's up to them. However what worries me is that everyone else is sucked in, because it becomes compulsory to buy cards for half year anniversaries, or purple day or whatever else the card industry think up, and you have to buy and send them or you look unfeeling and uncaring. And what is this about Easter cards? Why? Just because there are Christmas cards surely they are not trying to tell us that Easter cards are also mandatory. I'll buy Easter cards when people start selling Pentecost cards.

Also, I am a hypocrite. I sometimes send cards from evil cat. But not for Easter!

Praying for those who are affected by the rioting.

Moved to tears by those who turned up the next day with brushes and bin bags.

There seemed to be a lot more who would help than hurt, so that is a comfort. But if you are looking at the ashes of your livelihood, it must be cold comfort indeed.

Grammar like what I know

I was browsing the forums instead of doing housework and I saw a post. I read through it several times.

Apparently, judging from the replies, a young lady is in a spot of bother with her gentleman friend. I couldn't understand what on earth was going on. At this point I should say that there were a lot of posts pointing out that they couldn't understand it and could the person who started the thread please put in full spelling, punctuation and paragraphs. At least that would have helped.

I felt a bit awful, and I didn't post to the effect that if they wrote clearly then they could get more help, and to be fair I am not a great fountain of wisdom and I am sure someone else would be able to more than cover anything I could come up with. However it was really awful, incomprehensible txtspk and careless writing.

It may be a 'joke' post (very funny, as far as I can see domestic violence was being mentioned) but it did raise a question. If you want to ask for help, surely you should write in a way that lots of people can understand so that you have the best chance of getting help? Or am I being a bit simplistic. Is this a symptom that people think it funny to make up upsetting circumstances and post them for a joke to see how many will bite? Is it a symptom of our education system, especially ten years ago? Or is it a symptom of a society where people expect help to be handed to them on the proverbial plate, that they shouldn't need to ask, that there should be someone hanging round to do the hard work of thinking without anyone needing to ask because 'it's obvious, innit?'

Or am I just being a grumpy old bat again?

Sad accident

I noticed a lot of police around on a nearby dual carriageway. It seemed a few more than the average speeding offence would warrant, so I asked at the newsagent.

Around 5am, so the story goes, a joy rider comes belting along, runs a red light and clips a car of a driver going to work. The driver on his way to work is unhurt, apparently. The joy rider (I hate that term, but it is a convenient shorthand) spins out of control, flips over, sails over some concrete bollards at least two feet high, and lands in a garden set quite a way back from the dual carriageway, smashing into the porch. One of the people in the car runs off. The other is extremely badly injured and from the gossip going round (which could be exaggerated but the source was reliable) was not expected to survive.

The innocent driver may be unhurt, but I am willing to bet he is shocked, stressed and upset. And has to deal with all the insurance and the claims and the aggravation. The person who owns the house with the demolished porch has all the insurance and the builders and the worry that the house may no longer be as structurally sound as it was, not to mention the loss of the feeling of safety you have in your own home.

The person who was not expected to survive - what about their family? Did they leave children? A partner? And what potential was lost? Was this someone who could have saved someone from drowning? Been a kind face at a hard time that gave someone courage? Could they have been a good father or husband? Could they have at least been a bad example that stopped others from straying? Could their potential child have found a cure for cancer? Could they have found a cure for cancer? It is smoke in the wind.

I do not think that the car ride was worth it.

Controversial

Please, please, please vote.

I cannot tell anyone how to vote, but please vote with your heart. Even if you spoil your ballot please vote.

In the past so many have done so much to get us the chance to vote. In so many places around the world voting is a privilege that they can only imagine.

And that's my political broadcast.

A Matter of Faith

Yesterday I watched parts of two documentaries, little bear permitting etc.

One programme proved conclusively that the Bible was completely unsupported by archeology and the other was completely convincing that the Bible is shown to be true (for a given value of true) by archeology.

My view? Well, as a Christian I am happy to read the Bible, and as a history fanatic I am happy to enjoy the programmes about archeology. However I believe very strongly that these programmes say more about those making them than the Bible itself.

And what I say is...

I have just taken a delivery from Mr S. I stood there in the cold air coughing, while the driver very kindly dragged all my stuff in. I carefully washed my hands before signing anything.

He told me that we had lost our culture, that it was all wrong and we should all go to church.

I nodded and coughed.

My personal view is that if you don't believe in God, don't go to church, don't have a church wedding and don't have a Christening. I do believe in God, I am very grateful for the good He has brought into my life. If you want to have a fun time at Christmas then you are following in a great pagan tradition which is an amazing party to help brighten up the darkest time of the year. I do not have any quarrel with that. Just don't send a Christmas card with a manger on it.

As for culture, I don't know how I would define being British (apart from 'not French') but for me the biggest threat is from American TV. Take Halloween - when I was a child it was an excuse for a project in school but the big fun was penny for the guy and bonfires with goodies. This is Bonfire Night that may have originated in the Samhain fires but we are having the American version of Halloween, and it isn't right! (yes, I am a hypocrite on that, I would have let little bear go trick or treating with sister in law, but it still would have been better for penny for the guy, which I haven't seen for some time!)

The man seemed a nice man, and was pleasant enough, as I stood and coughed, but there just seems to be too much sloppy thinking. And of course I didn't get into an argument with him - that wouldn't be the British thing to do at all.

Me being political.

I do sometimes more or less in general and by and large follow politics, and I have some understanding of what goes on from my youth involving political arguments within the family that would have left Lenin and Churchill scratching their heads.

For what it is worth, my darling uncle is somewhere to the right of Hitler (in theory, in practice he would help anyone, regardless, but he tries to keep that a secret, he just likes to come out with outrageous things to start a conversation), my darling father reads the Daily Mail, I am somewhere to the baffled left of centre and dear heart is disgusted by the whole thing. Little bear has been heard giving an oration to the teddy party (a da-da-da-da-da) but otherwise has shown no preference.

Even I have managed to notice that there is more politics going on than normal. Now, I am extremely fascinated by history and the current upset about the expenses and the MPs is worse than anything I ever remember reading about. So how on earth do you decide who to vote for?

I strongly believe that you should go along and vote. I feel that people have given up so much in the past that it would be in insult to their memory to not go and vote. People have suffered prison and privation to get our right to vote. I would perfectly understand anyone going along to the ballot and scribbling rude words all over the paper, but they should not give anyone an excuse to limit our right to vote.

Also, the less votes cast, the more chance that someone from the lunatic fringe will be going to Brussels as a representative of Great Britain. How you define lunatic fringe is your choice - I think this time you have a wide variety on the ballot paper! But if you don't vote then those who really freak you out when you see their name on the voting slip have a better chance of getting in.

I will be voting tomorrow, and I will also drag dear heart along as well. I strongly urge anyone who reads this to vote according to their conscience and how they would like the UK to be seen when the new European Parliament assembles.

And this is the end of the Wannabe Sybil Political Broadcast.