No need to Panic

Yesterday morning I went to see my GP with chest pains.  He said if it got worse to go to hospital.  Yesterday evening I went to hospital as I was feeling so sick and shaky.  Apparently a virus has infected cartilage near my heart which accounts for the chest pains and the sick, shaky feeling.  Came home feeling a bit embarrassed.  And also really poorly, but at least virus poorly. 

OH has been a star

Today is officially a duvet day. 

Test Results back

The doctor thinks I may have intermittent heart failure.  He is referring me. 

I think this is actually a lot less serious than it sounds.  And there is this new all singing all dancing unit set up for things such as this, and I am, to be honest, actually quite happy.  I have a diagnosis, I have an opportunity to be treated and I may come out of it with proof that I have a heart.  I already have proof that I have a brain from a scan a few years back.

I have absolutely no idea when or where the referral will come, but I shall just carry on as usual.  Actually, no, it won't be carrying on as usual.  I am trying to get healthy options and exercise built in to my routines, including perhaps a ten minute walk after dropping little bear off at school, a walk later on, lots of running up and down stairs - just being a bit sensible.  I am also trying to review my appalling diet.  So I shall carry on with the new usual. 

Also, extremely happy as I have worked out how to do the labels finally in the new layout.

All in my head

Today has been earmarked for clearing out little bear's old clothes, which hasn't been done for a few years and is very much overdue. In fact, little bear's old clothes are clogging up a lot of the dining room and it will make a massive difference if I can get rid.

Tomorrow I plan to start taking stuff to the places that buy clothes/charity shops/donate to next door/ebay/pass on as appropriate. Timing is important - an all day bus ticket, bought after 9.30am, costs me £3.80. If I buy one of those it will eat into any money that I make from the clothes (and I am not sure I will). And while it is nice to get out, spending £3.80 just to be disappointed and trudge to a charity shop is less good. The one I will be able to walk to is not yet open (darn!).

However, on Wednesdays little bear goes to piano lessons. I will need a ticket anyway, so I plan to make tickets bought on Wednesday work for me and do all the out-of-house running around. Or even just go into town and go to the museum/library/hot chocolate shop etc.

Except yesterday I nearly fell over and thought I was going to pass out. I have been feeling like this since the weekend - light headed and queasy. I feel sleepy and lethargic - rubbish in fact.

I can mutter about a virus, as darling father has suffered for weeks. I can mutter about lack of iron, lack of food - I still can't eat that well. I could grumble about daylight saving and stress and all the rest. However I have noticed that any time I make any headway in doing anything I seem to become ill. And I am making headway! There is more and more space and less and less ironing, as I managed to get quite a bit done yesterday. Once the dining room is clear and working then I move on to reorganise the kitchen, and so on. I am not giving up!

So I am going to continue plugging away, working on the assumption that it is all in my head. I may not get as much done as I would have liked, but I refuse to get nothing done.

Grumpy again

I am probably going to have to go back on anti depressants in an effort to stop me grinding my teeth. I could cry. Last night, every time I woke up I could feel my teeth clenched hard together.

And when I came to look at my email account there was an email from the Scout Association Shop with lots of things to buy. A few months ago I made an enquiry to see about the vague possibility of things like Beavers, and whether little bear was coming up to the right age group and whether there was a chance that he could join. It was very theoretical, but it turned out that certainly at first it wasn't really likely.

But because of that tiny enquiry I am now on the mailing list for their shop AND THERE IS NO WAY TO UNSUBSCRIBE!

I did start composing an irritated email, demanding my name removed and grumping and complaining but decided in the end to forget it. It's such a little thing. I have made a mental note not to give an email address to anything Scout related and marked the email as junk. Perhaps I need the anti depressants more than I thought.

Tooth!

A sneeze finally dislodged my crown, it is sort of hanging on, but would go at the first bite of any food. However I am still not able to open my mouth properly. I have drunk far too many cups of tomato soup, but I ate some porridge off the side of a spoon, so at least I have a lining to my stomach.

I can't swallow tablets, and haven't managed to get some soluble ibuprofen (which is probably what I need) but I could probably manage alcohol.... Best not.

Little bear has been fair to middling monstrous about chocolate today. Once again I have not given him all the eggs he has for Easter. They will be rationed out. He is still a little under the weather - he had an unheard of afternoon nap (unheard of until this latest do) and asked for bedtime at 6pm. I am about to go up and join the fray.

Really tempted by alcohol, but I can't see it going well, especially as small quantities of porridge and custard are the most solid linings to my tummy. I'll stick to Ovaltine. At this rate I won't even get the benefit of losing weight!

Little bear is sounding ready to sleep - I hope he is okay to meet his 'girlfriend' on Tuesday.

Glass half empty

My jaw has locked. It has happened before, and resolved itself, and I hope it resolves itself again or I will have an interesting time trying to get to Drs etc.

Basically I can talk (just) and I can drink, but I can't lick my lips and I don't even want to think about eating. It hurts as well. And of course I can't open wide to get the loose crown fixed that is driving me nuts and feels like it is about to fall out.

This is the loose crown that originally I didn't know I had, and that the new dentist has made iffy murmurs about the post and I think when I do get to the dentist (about a fortnight before my scheduled appointment) it will need to be re-done (if that is possible).

Little bear has been slightly monster as well. He wants his daddy. I am sorely tempted to dig OH out of his pit and take his place. I am trying to find a glass half full moment. At least I am likely to lose weight.

I am being an idiot

I have a cough, and a sore throat, and I ache all over. My ears hurt whenever I swallow, I have sniffles and feel like I have been hit by a very large truck.

Up until now I have had chicken pox three times plus shingles. I can't have anything now, I really can't - I must be imagining this. I have too much to do.

I am sure it is lack of sleep and too much imagination. I shall nap at every opportunity and then when little bear is in school next week (conjunctivitis permitting) I shall be able to make further progress.

Also evil cat has been sick again. I think I need to worry.

Exercise

With darling father really feeling the effects of having five teeth out now, and little bear being so tired, and trying to get as much washing through as I can, I am up and down stairs like a madwoman. Last night at dinner time I was up and down stairs non stop for about ten minutes.

Glass half full - not only was it good exercise, but not long ago I could not have physically managed it, I literally could not have climbed all those stairs in one go. I feel quite good about that.

OH is a hero

OH is an absolute hero - he let me sleep for four hours this afternoon and fielded a very spotty little bear.

I have just scratched a delivery together for first thing tomorrow, it is quite random. Kitten food, soup for darling father who is having five teeth out tomorrow and I can't go with him! I wish he would change the date. And also all sorts of nibbles that might tempt a very spotty little bear. It rambles between rice pudding and jelly via cucumber sticks and smoothies. At the moment he isn't even keen on chocolate.

We didn't go to a doctor in the end, as his eyes are now fine, which I am very relieved about. In fact he is seeming a lot better now, although poorly and itchy. As he is refusing all mention of calamine and bicarb baths, I am a bit stuck on the itch front. I will work on it some more tomorrow.

Darling father is also looking much better. I think I shall do all I can to get him to rest this week. Then he will be out in the garden, battling with cats, being in the sun and generally enjoying himself.

The car is now looking more expensive. The change of fuel filter didn't help, the petrol tank is quiet clear and so it therefore looks like an injection pump is blocked/broken.

I am trying not to look at the Approved Food's website. I am sure I would want to buy, especially chocolate, and I don't think that would help.

I love calpol

Okay, I started off today with a doughnut - not what I need to set me up. There are, however, some left - for now. I shall have some porridge when OH gets up. I have not managed to convince little bear food is a good idea. I am working on the liquid - and working hard!

Little bear had a rough night, he was itchy, his eyes were really full of gunk, running almost as bad as his nose, he was aching, he was uncomfortable - normal for a five year old with chicken pox and probably conjunctivitis. I know that so many have it worse, and this morning it isn't as bad as it could be, but poor little bear is suffering.

This morning his eyes are still very swollen but not as gunky. I think I will still try and see the walk in doctor. I won't take risks with eyes and ears, if it was just chicken pox I wouldn't bother, just keep on the tlc (and calamine, when he lets me use it). He only got to the doctor on Friday about the awful spot that the doctor called a lesion and got a second opinion on. Which reminds me, I need to find the antibiotic cream, he is due his morning dose.

Now that he has had a dose of calpol and it has started to work he is so much happier. He is currently 'sorting' the lego that was part of his haul yesterday. And another side effect - I am getting so many more 'please' and 'thankyou' from him. And grumbles, but you can't have everything.

I will just say, it has taken me well over half an hour to write this, as little bear has needed the heater on, the heater off, the heater on again, the heater lower, calamine - then he couldn't stand it, juice, no - fresh juice! etc. btw it is now around an hour since I started this post.

Really, little bear is normal for chicken pox, and I am doing a fretting mummy. I am so glad he has it now, and I am sure he will be better soon. If he had it later in life, like my friend who caught aged forty - she was seriously ill for three weeks and now has permanent nerve damage - it would be far worse. I shall just plan the next few days with care.

Little bear is not happy

Little bear's eyes are filling up with gunk. We are currently planning on taking him to the walk in doctors tomorrow, depending. I don't expect to get much sleep tonight. OH is sitting with little bear who is beside himself with painful, gunky eyes and itchy chicken pox. I am taking five minutes as I won't get it later.

I am watching carefully, and will call the out of hours doctor if I need to. At the moment, if little bear could just get sleep, it would be a really boon for him, and he is dosed up with calpol, dabbed with calamine and green nosed and unhappy. He had half an hour's sleep earlier, fingers crossed he can get a little more. At the moment he doesn't want to be left alone.

I will try and scout the local shops for kitten food, though they don't carry much beyond Katkins. As for the rest, I will just keep cuddling and hope for the best.

Glass half empty - little bear is normal for a five year old with very gunky eyes and chicken pox. Evil cat is normal for a very elderly cat with failing kidneys. Darling father is normal for someone recovering from a nasty virus. Glass half full - OH is doing okay, but worried that we may have to take taxis to the doctors as the car is not working properly and not responding well. And at least little bear had his party.

Warning, Grumpy Sybil

Little bear is poorly. He has a sore throat, ear ache and a cough. However he does not do the 'pallid and listless on the sofa' routine unless he is at death's door. He goes hyper.

This morning he bounced up at seven and announced how much he loved me. I was aching, fed up and really wanted five more minutes, but how can you resist a five year old who tells you how much he loves you.

This morning was extra hustle and bustle. He was too cold. He was too warm. He wanted cereal. He didn't want cereal. He did want cereal with lots of honey. He loved me lots and lots, more than the universe (I must have been looking tense at this point). He had not lost his glove, daddy must have put it somewhere. He really loved me, twenty million times (I was definitely looking tense at yet another missing glove). I hadn't shouted at this point, but I was definitely not feeling warm and fuzzy. Little bear was full of sunshine, but with over bright eyes and very pink cheeks.

Then the walk to school. I am not bright eyed and bushy tailed, he is full of energy and over excited. He runs ahead of me (strictly forbidden) and starts hurtling round with the other kids. Then the bell goes, which is a signal for him to hold my hand as we start filing in (queuing is so strictly enforced!). He didn't turn up. He was nowhere to be seen and my rule is that I will let him run around (let off steam before happening to the teachers) but he has to stay within line of sight. He was with a friend a little way back, but that was not the point.

I think everyone in the queue jumped as I shouted his name. Little bear ignored me for a moment and then looked round. 'Get here!' I said (locally this is very soft, I don't swear at little bear which is unheard of). 'Right, why didn't you come to me when the bell went?' Little bear did his usual, which is to shout 'sorry' very aggressively. I was not being put off. 'That is not a reason, why didn't you come here?' Little bear muttered about 'don't know' and I led him into the cloak room.

I mentioned to the assistant as I went in that little bear had a sore throat, ear ache and cough. I also said that he had had baby nurofen, and that they would need gin. In the time it took me to say this while hanging up his coat little bear had vanished. The school is very strict that parents are expected to take the child right to the carpet where register is taken and pick them up from there, I was unimpressed. I caught up with him a few yards in, gave him kisses and then left. I can't keep him at home when he is so active, especially as they are so strict about attendance. However I feel very worried, and a little guilty, especially about the shouting.

I will pick him up in two hours time and again he will be on fast forward. However as he currently has no attention span, he will be bored, he will not know what to do, he will be bored, can I teach him to knit (not at this moment!), he's bored...

I have a doctor's appointment for him tomorrow after school. It is quite likely that this is all viral and that I will just have to tough it out. Really, it is little bear that is suffering, although he seems quite jolly about the whole thing. I also have a lot of sympathy for the poor little man. All I can think, though, is please let it be over soon.

Grumpy again

I am having a crash. I feel absolutely exhausted, I am so tired I could cry, and I barely have the energy to get little bear up and dressed and to school. This morning I surfaced when I heard little bear start stirring at around 8am. This is reassuring, as I had slept through the alarm on the mobile and I have never done that before!

Last night we had fish n chips, although on Monday we did have the turkey curry (and it was very nice, I shall get that jar again - cupboard space permitting). I forgot to get the meat out for a casserole last night, so I will have to make something when I get in with little bear after football.

I will think about it later. I am so tired that thinking hurts.

Cough

It's back - the incredibly minor cough that is purely in my throat but which makes speaking almost impossible and I end up leaning against walls while coughing - incredibly minor bug, incredibly annoying effects.

I was looking back to see if I had mentioned my fury at the threat of fortnightly bin collections and the fact that I can't have a stove (considering an inexpensive fire pit or oil drum - darling father gets two papers a day) and I saw just how many minor bugs, lurgies, and sniffles I have had. I seem to be permanently paralysed by them - all very minor infections, all incredibly irritating and getting in the way.

I think I really need to review exactly what I am eating and drinking. Exercise is definitely out at the moment. I haven't been able to walk more than a short way for most of the last three months!

And I need to jettison the self pity asap!

Not cooking from scratch

The 'Operation Christmas Clean' gremlins are sniggering more than ever. I have woken up with my cold gone into my ears, so the world is going round and round in interesting ways.

So I browned the casserole beef I had defrosted. Then I completely failed to do housewifery. I added in a sachet of oxtail soup powder, a large quantity of black pepper, a tin of chopped tomatoes, a packet of dried veg, a packet of dried onions, a large sloosh of country soup mix with pasta and topped up with boiling water, shutting the lid with relief. I must remember to top up with further boiling water later on.

I feel so poorly now, but I have to get little bear to the party. I will deal with that when it happens.

Still yeurk

I am a lot better this morning, with less of the aches, chills etc. I got little bear to school, and it is the school trip to the theatre this morning, so that was really important. He went in clean, ironed clothes, which was a miracle. Now I am sitting here, gently floating about an inch off the floor.

I plan to sleep some more today (I am currently outdoing evil cat in the sleeping stakes) and see how I go.

Speaking of evil cat, when you are a little away with the fairies anyway, and you are half asleep, and you turn over and see this dark, feline shape glaring at you - evil cat looks evil! I kept unaccountably rolling over as well, how dare I! You see, she weighs so little that you don't register that she is sleeping on you until you hear the offended grumble as she pads off to find another cushion.

She has now taken up her favourite daytime position on a cushion in the dining room, where she will stay until she wants food.

Lurgy continues

Lizmundo - I hope you are feeling a bit better. I have just visited the loo and at one point honestly thought I would have to get OH to help me downstairs, as I felt too week to move. I don't know how I picked up little bear from school, but I was really worried that I couldn't make it.

I feel absolutely dreadful, and I seem to be sleeping very deeply, which means I am not sure I would hear little bear if he cried out.

I have just had some milkshake and some fromage frais. I thought they would be nice and gentle on an iffy tummy. I am also going to take another immodium. I may also have some full sugar cola, as that is supposed to help, especially if it is flat. I can't face it just the second, I loathe the taste. On the other hand, I usually manage quite a bit of caffeine and I haven't had a smidgeon today, so that will not be helping with the aches, pains and chills.

I told you that I heard sniggering when I announced Operation Christmas Clean. Today I can't move!

More lurgy

I finished off the pork yesterday. Today I think the pork finished off me!

I have the dire rear, as Mr Pratchett would say, and any information would be far, far too much - though I will say that I am aching, hurting and cold.

I have just taken two immodium as I am finally confident that I won't bring them back up.

The hardest parts are that I missed little bear's carol concert. I am absolutely devastated, he will have had no-one there! He is also going to miss his piano lesson.

I had to ask OH to take little bear to school. OH loves little bear, and will spend all the time you like with him, but the usual stuff of getting him ready, getting him up for school, sorting out school stuff, really are mine. It is really important to me that OH can enjoy little bear without worrying. So OH was late for work.

I have let everyone down. All because I didn't want the pork to go to waste.

Lurgy

I have an acute attack of hypochondria.

Actually, according to the Doctor I have the nasty virus that is going around.

I have had a bad night, little bear had a bad night, and now I ache.

Also failing to keep warm.

Does anyone remember me blogging about needing to get cleaned up and the fates sniggering. I can hear their chuckles as I type as I can barely move!

Hypochondria alert

I have a cold. Nothing more, just a cold.

Okay, I ache, I am running a good temperature, my nose won't stop leaking and I can not walk more than ten yards without having to stop for a good cough. I am festering.

It is still just a cold with added self pity.

I need to take Pholcodine for the cough, which really does need to be controlled. It is something the Dr has prescribed for me in the past. Except that Pholcodine makes me high as a kite and zonked as a zombie. I can't take it if I am looking after little bear. But the cough is really, really violent.

So I am planning to have a go at the Pholcodine this morning (so please ignore anything on this blog between 10am and 2pm GMT as I won't be fit for purpose and could write anything) and then focus on stuff I can do without moving later.

Hugs to anyone else suffering