Evil cat finds her voice

Evil cat had some left over chicken from the great cook. She enjoyed it - she really enjoyed it. In fact she enjoyed it so much that she delivered an operatic serenade at 4am, just for me.

She is looking a bit perkier, and she walloped little bear yesterday. She wanted to sleep on the sofa. Little bear crashed against her, and she woke with a jolt, hissed and walloped. Little bear was very upset and told me that we needed 'to get rid of the cat'. I was a bit lukewarm with the sympathy because though I couldn't see the scratch through his hair I know how ineffectual her scratches can be and also I had been telling him to 'leave that poor old cat alone' so many times that I was thinking of getting it recorded on my phone.

Clutterbust concerns

Last week I cooked loads when the freezer door was left open. I used lots and lots of pots.

It made me think. I had planned to get rid of a lot of the pyrex in my cupboards, I use my slow cooker so much for casseroles etc that I just haven't been using any. However if I had got rid of all of the pyrex then I would have had my hands full trying to cook everything in sequence.

There is a lot of tension between clutterbusting and money saving. On the one hand it is good to make the house a lot clearer. On the other hand there is the point that if you throw too much out you can end up going out to buy stuff to replace the stuff that you threw out.

I think clutterbusting wins, however, as I had to go out and buy appropriate containers to put the casseroles in. I think I may have appropriate containers, somewhere, but they are at the back of a pile of junk that I haven't sorted through yet, so I can't get them. However while I was having a quick look I did spot a lot of cleaning products that I had bought more of, because I had forgotten I had the stuff, because it was behind a pile of junk.

Digging up the Past

Chapter 10 is up.

I had a bit of a dither - okay, a lot of a dither, but it is up. I've also started dragging together a list of names, places, etc. Also list of errors in Digging up the past where Joel has no fewer than three different surnames. I'll be correcting them next week.

Little bear wants treats

Little bear had a massive tantrum today. I refused to give him chocolate.

I was weak enough to offer fruit or yogurt, but he wanted chocolate. He screamed, he shouted, he threw Ratatouille at me and he sulked. No chocolate was forthcoming.

Now all I need to do is limit the amount of chocolate he gets tomorrow. Darling father wants to give him lots.

Operation Clutterbust 16

OH has been clutterbusting today.

I am not sure I want to add his work to the total, but we are lighter three more bin sacks and a stereo cabinet.

I am so full of cold, and so achy, but must be clutterbusting tomorrow.

I have just sneezed four times in a row, the fifth is building and evil cat has stalked off in disgust.

Grumpy Sybil

I just took some jumble to the Methodists.

Please, please, please will the old dears get the message that I do not want to be on their committees, that I don't want to help sort jumble, that I do not always want to stop in to do x, y or z.

They are lovely, they are elderly and they are persistent. The Knit and Knatter is a case in point. I love knitting, but their knit and knatter is 12 - 2 on a Monday. Little bear is supposed to be at nursery at 1, and after all the fuss and bother I would be lucky to have half an hour there. I would rather go home and surf the internet as I calm down from the fuss or do something useful like clean and clutterbust. Trying to convey that I am permanently exhausted is not working.

Also, darling father is v much in with them.

I'm going to end up sorting jumble.

Cookery has happened

Two sausage casseroles in the now defrosted freezer. One savoury mince (beef) for cottage pie, one savoury mince (lamb) for shepherd's pie cooling. One turkey casserole with rice finishing off in the slow cooker, one beef casserole cooling in the gas oven. Two chicken breast joints, six sausages and a dozen angels on horseback in the fridge for the next few days.

This may explain why little bear managed to cause utter mess with pompoms which keep appearing from under and behind things, and the embossing powder (which I didn't know we still had) tipped into our squashy study carpet and the red ink pad ink side down on the living room carpet.

Little bear is sleeping the sleep of the innocent. I am not fooled

Dratted freezer

Witch Hazel - you are, as ever, exactly right. I used the opportunity to get rid of some frozen sprouts and some carrots that I think I bought over a year ago! I really need to do the cooking today, as the fridge is chock full of yogurt - little bear has been poorly therefore I get yogurt in industrial quantities. So there really isn't room to keep the meat until tomorrow.

There will be two or three casseroles, in two ovens and a slow cooker that isn't too bad, and some sausage casseroles as well.

I MUST MUST MUST record all that goes in and out of the freezer. It isn't rocket science and it stops me over ordering or ordering and forgetting.

2am this morning I heard another chunk of ice fall off the freezer. I had a lakeland flood stop down, but it was looking a bit chunky. At 2am my enthusiasm for mopping up was extremely limited. Then I remembered some nappies - I bought them for little bear nearly a year ago, I bought the basics from Sainsburys, but they didn't do well in the night and were deliberately a bit scratchy if I caved and put them on during the day, so they had just been left to one side. Fortunately I hadn't clutterbusted them, and they were brilliant for soaking up the meltwater. I just checked - Asda do 20 smart price size five nappies for £1.43 (price correct at time of typing) which are brilliant for soaking up floods. Obviously a mop and bucket are a cheaper alternative, but for a slow defrost I think they are great. I put some inside the freezer and some on the floor and there has been no flood! It would probably work out cheaper for the half dozen nappies (smartprice) than the washing for all the towels needed to soak up.

I am being dragged into town to buy pompoms for little bear later, and I will pick up veggies then for the casseroles.

Compulsory clutterbust

I left the freezer door ajar - I think it was Monday, around thirty six hours ago. I went to get some stuff out tonight and it was icy cold but not frozen.

So after little bear's bedtime routine I am going to empty the freezer, defrost, throw away anything potentially iffy and put all the meat products I can find to defrost properly to be cooked and refrozen as casseroles etc tomorrow.

Little bear has persuaded me the absolute urgency of buying pompoms so on the same trip I will stock up with veggies and do a very basic casserole type thing in slow cooker and two ovens that can be fancied up on reheating. I am trying to remember how many joints/sausages there are. Regardless, that is tea and lunch sorted for the next few days.

It is an excellent chance for me to lose the ice creams and lolly ices from last summer, and to cull the frozen veg that has not been used (or put it in said casseroles). It is a great opportunity to reorganise and list what is really in there. It is a brilliant chance to reassess how I use the freezer and whether I can improve that. But I am mourning the loss of the fish fingers which little bear was once again enjoying. And I hate the waste.

I suppose it could be considered a chance to shop again to refill the freezer, but my heart isn't in it.

Crafty little bear

Little bear is feeling much better, and he made a crown. He found a strip of cardboard packaging (detritus from me moving things) and made a diamond shape, and a square shape, then tried to do a crown. We covered it with gold wrapping paper, then I suggested he decorated it with pompoms.

Little bear got some pompoms out, the little balls of fluff that populate kiddies craft kits. Then some more, then some more and then some more. He had pompoms I had bought, pompoms from Christmas present craft kits and some just seemed to have bred like tribbles.

Little bear had a think, slid some pompoms down a slide on his castle and decided that he didn't want to use pompoms on the crown, he wanted to keep the pompoms, they were his, he was collecting them.

There are pompoms all over the place, and little bear has persuaded me that we need to buy more pompoms as a matter of greatest urgency. Actually it is a great excuse to get him out of the house to buy something inexpensive (hopefully) and away from television and computer screen. But pompoms seem to be breeding.

Little bear also had races between the pompoms and googly eyes from the same craft kits. I think he is actually getting his money's worth out of the dratted things.

OH has just described the state of little bear's room as like there has been a jihad in Toys R Us

(now really tempted to monetise to see what ads come up after that sentence!)

Must not buy magazines

I bought a knitting magazine today. There are three patterns in it that I would really like to try, all of which would mean that I would need to buy yarn despite the huge mound of the stuff still in the junk room.

Little bear is sleeping downstairs tonight so I am planning a quiet evening knitting while he (hopefully) gets some sleep.

Cough cough

Little bear is not well, he has been coughing all night. He wakes himself up, cries for me, drifts off half way through his grumble and leaves me wide awake.

He is better this morning, his bum is hardly showing any sore bits at all. Last night I was on the brink of calling out the dr, now I am not really considering an appointment.

So really, normal for a four year old.

Yes... but

I am a yes but person and I hate it. I always seem to find some reason to not solve a problem. It drives me nuts.

So the Operation Clutterbust I was planning - little bear is showing all the signs of croup. I am lingering here in the hope that he drifts off if I am not in the room, then back in to cuddle him regardless. Poor little mite is shattered and so distressed but last seen was mainly almost dozing.

But have had theories of Clutterbust and will be back.

Operation Clutterbust 15

I feel poorly. Little bear is definitely poorly. However...

We NEED to get stuff cleared for darling father moving in within two months at the most.

There is stuff everywhere which is driving OH nuts.

I am also sick of the sight of heaps of things.

There is a jumble sale on Saturday at the local Methodists, where I would like to donate lots. Also OH has decided we are going to get a skip, and also quite soon. So I nearly crushed little bear today as I was trying to sort stuff out. And OH has kindly taken little bear somewhere unhealthy for tea and I have just nearly got myself trapped in the junk room. However, after clearing 5 bin sacks of stuff and considering, I think we can make a dent in the heaps.

We have an exercise bike. I think there is something wrong with it, so reluctant to pass it on, also no handbook as we bought it years ago and have used it four times. It is huge and too heavy for me to lift. I think that is going to have to be skipped unless someone local will have it, as I can't manage to work out Freecycle and it is not in good condition. Then there is the cheap tall bookcase in darling father's room, which would not survive the journey across the room never mind down stairs. That is for the skip. The Billy bookcases from IKEA of an older vintage are still holding up strong. There is a 1995 music centre cabinet. We could potentially revamp it, but neither of us have the will also I suspect that it will not survive a trip down the stairs.

A solid pine bedside cabinet has gone into little bear's room. It was quite expensive in 1990, but apart from giving me major back ache and terrifying evil cat, has been fine. It just goes to show that it is worth paying a little more, or at least going somewhere reputable, or getting good stuff second hand.

Actually, there is a lot more than that! Most of it really not fit for the purpose, bought cheap and showing it. We could fill the skip.

All I have to do now is get the stuff sorted out.

Little bear is not happy

Despite being in big boy pants all the time now apart from night time, little bear has developed a case of nappy rash. I have watched it get worse and worse all day, regardless of lack of nappy. Now it is getting to the stage where I am considering the doctor.

I am well aware that this means that little bear is about to go down with something horrible, and that once the something horrible breaks, his bum will once again be fine. Until then it is really painful.

He got ready for bed, including the night time nappy, stories, songs and then after I went down he played. Then he called me up as he needed a nappy change and he was sore.

It was an awful job to change him, and he needed a lot of mopping up which made him really upset. But he just about broke my heart when he looked at me, tears in his eyes, and told me, 'I've lost all my braves.'

Morgan - I very much believe, like you, in the 'what is done is done', especially at his age. Later he may get grounded for a length of time, but not now.

Now he must say sorry, then I say that is okay and it is forgotten about. Sometimes I think that I need to emphasise a bit more.

Years ago I tapped him on the back of the hand - once when he was refusing to leave an electric plug alone and once when he was pulling evil cat's tail (and she was letting him!). Both times he giggled. I don't think I'm good at the corporal punishment.

I am also rotten at guilt trips. I've blogged before about him furious with me because I tripped on a car he had left lying around and dislocated my shoulder - I broke the car. But I grew up being hit by them a lot, so it is not a path I want to take anyway. However I do need to try and get him to empathise with other people's feelings, and I am working on that.

Currently I need to drag myself off the computer and help OH dragging little bear into bed. He has been very grumpy today, with lots of tantrums, all of which have got him nowhere. Mind you, in between I have had some lovely cuddles.

Loving little bear

Ian - it is just something that has amused me in myself. As I am, for the umpteenth time, trying to get him to do something I feel a 'grrr - I could, I could...' what? I couldn't raise a hand to him, couldn't be horrible to him. He is a sweet lad, being four.

Also, years ago, when little bear was about six months, a former neighbour (definitely not one of the ones here now) was saying she was refusing to speak to her eighteen month old because he had been awake - at 11.30pm! She wasn't joking, the child looked so sad. She was giving the toddler the silent treatment. That poor child! She was found guilty of child abuse later. The silent treatment was not the worst bit.

Yesterday little bear didn't want to go to nursery. School is six months off. He is going to nursery. So little bear demanded the potty just as we were leaving and did an Oscar winning performance while producing single drops. So I told him that the later he was for nursery, the longer I would leave him there (his current constant refrain is 'don't leave me too long'). His shocked face was an image I shall treasure as I don't think I will get many of those moments.

I would like to add that I KNOW he loves nursery. I have crept in and he has been having a marvellous time. He loves the stuff there, gets on with other kids, not a problem.

I really appreciate all your thoughts on this.

I think there are times in every parent's life when they wonder exactly what they should do. This is one of mine.

Witch Hazel - the hurt is a good idea. Little bear is actually very loving and quite gentle, but I am scared of doing the emotional blackmail/guilt trip thing. I am worried I will get it wrong. However I will see if sometimes that can work, case by case.

I definitely think he is getting over stimulated with too many treats and I need to really ration some of his screen time - hopefully by getting him out of the house.

I still absolutely love him to bits.

Little bear's rudeness

Ian - He got a very icy reception. He is old enough now. I need to summon up the depths of my heritage to put enough respect in him so that I will not have to take it when he is fourteen and goodness knows how much taller - Ian, you can confirm he is already v tall for his age!

I would never, ever have had the courage to say that to either parents or grandparents, and I was the bolshy one!

The fire station that came today is definitely not being handed over, not even after a good report from nursery. I will save it for something major.

Morgan - thank you for the hugs! I didn't keep going on about it or sulking, because I am supposed to be the grown up, but my mother could freeze you to the marrow with just a few words if you were cheeky. I don't want to be too cruel to little bear, but he is not getting away with it. He is old enough to deal with consequences (within limits).

Yes, I still absolutely adore him, but I am drawing more lines, and enforcing more boundaries. I have to for his sake, regardless of anything else.

Little bear in trouble

Little bear and I went to a local shopping centre. He was not brilliant at the bus stop, hurtling round, though he didn't disturb others there as there wasn't anyone. He was pretty good on the bus, and in the White Rose Centre, and getting Grandad's whisky and such. He got treated to a fireman's outfit and a biscuit.

Then on the way home he told me to shut up.

I tried to give him the impression that the sky had fallen on his head, I don't know how successful I was. I am not impressed.

It is parent's evening tonight, and he normally would get treats for good reports. Should he get a good report, all bets are now off.

Also, he told me to shut up when I was insisting that we went the shorter way home rather than up and along and down which he had the energy for but I didn't.

Poor old evil cat

Evil cat is getting a little creaky. Over the last few weeks I have noticed a few things. Both eyes are looking a bit crusty now, and her left eye is looking sunken again, like it did last time when she was poorly. She is a bit fussy about her food and she is having problems eating solid chunks. I don't think she can see that well in the dark, possibly because she will hardly eat anything except tuna (she doesn't know it is dolphin friendly). She is getting very clingy and very smelly, which is not a good combination.

There is nothing dramatic that I can put my finger on, but she is scoring a bit low on the malevolent scale and is definitely moving slower. So I am now starting the dither of whether to get her to the vets (cruel on evil cat, the vet and OH who has to take her) or not. Our old cat, malevolent cat, faded and I knew something was wrong but couldn't put my finger on it, and she lasted only a few months after. I had dragged her to the vets (who were very brave) a lot previously but it took ages for them to find the inoperable tumour.

I will take the same rule as I took for malevolent cat. I shall leave it a little longer, I think, for the vet trip, depending on how evil cat goes. Then I will do whatever is necessary until she has lost her quality of life. Then I will make any hard decision.

When she first came here, over sixteen years ago, she fit on the palm of my hand, which she instantly started attacking. I need to look after her

Interesting

As I mentioned, I bought some woollens to unravel for cushion stuffing. I just grabbed knitted stuff as it was quite busy and I was trying to watch little bear.

It turns out that one is a little girl's cardigan, in quite good condition, from Next. Next children's clothes sell really well on ebay (my friend).

So I need to get my act together to list it. But it is such a shame that it nearly got ripped up for a cushion stuffer. I have shredded a very worn M&S cardi (the label was in great condition, the rest was v iffy), abandoned a matted wrap and started a small sweater that perhaps could have been rescued but was definitely on the saggy side.

I never really believed people buying things in jumble sales and making money, and I know that it will not happen to me on a regular basis, but it just goes to show.

Existential angst

Little bear, as I have mentioned, has discovered the programme 'Captain Mack' and LOVES it. It is super cracking brilliant.

But is it real?

This is causing little bear some mental contortions. He has no problem in telling the difference between a cartoon and a real life programme. He is quite clear that Ratatouille is not real. But Captain Mack, played by Bennet Thorpe, are obviously real people. I tried to explain to him that not only could he not go to visit Sunshine City but that what he was watching was a man pretending to be Captain Mack.

Little bear gave this some thought. He clearly thought that it was real because Captain Mack was moving and speaking 'like me'. But the thought of it being people pretending shook him to the core. In the end he said to me crossly, 'I told you it wasn't real!'

There are still doubts, however, and I shall need to try and get to the bottom of it.

Shopping sort of stoppin

I feel in the mood to buy things. I am feeling flat, tired and a bit fed up. So...

I look at the yarn on ebay. I think of the mounds that are heaped up all around the house and even the ones that come in at 1p per gramme, including postage, are not really that interesting.

I don't really need any stuff for the kitchen. I could do with some extra trays for the mini electric cooker, which is too small for the main sized tins, but that can wait until I finally get round to measuring up properly.

I had a little potter on Approved Food, but the memory of the overstuffed kitchen was an effective deterrent.

Even a potter on Amazon didn't seem worth it. Little bear has a zillion books and I never get a chance to watch dvds or read books - at least the reading I am doing is catching up on the backlog.

I could do with a new dvd book for little bear. We don't keep the dvds in cases but in one of those huge books. It saves a lot of space. But I want him to be part of the shopping process, as a way of getting him out.

I looked at the grocery order. Darling father will be going home soon (briefly) so no point in buying whiskey. We are over run with pop and don't need much yogurt as I want to be making our own with little bear. We are fully stocked with everything. Veggies? Fruit? I was hoping to go out with little bear as he is putting on weight, finding it tiring to walk far so I want to do lots of little shopping trips to up his activity rate and stamina. Meat? Freezer is well stocked for at least a month. I am barely reaching the minimum order. I am stocked up on the things you stock up on and if it wasn't for a few odds and ends that are heavy to carry I wouldn't bother.

I feel like I am being good despite myself

Anti clutterbust

Yarn keeps calling to me. I am feeling tempted. Actually, I feel tempted because I feel low, and the extra books I have from Amazon have not helped, or only in a sort of general way. Another large bag (marked to become a felted rug for OH's room) arrived yesterday.

And yesterday I went to a jumble sale. I picked up some videos as darling father is bringing up a video player. I picked up four, they were not asking any money. I also picked up some woollens to unravel for stuffing cushions and a jigsaw for little bear. I spent at least 70p.

I didn't like to leave little bear out of my attention for more than a second or two at a time as the jumble sale was a bit of a rugby scrum. So that helped to reduce the amount I brought home.

Also, we took little bear out in the car. He is four, the days of taking a child out to get some sleep should be long gone, but he was so dead on his feet that we went there and back again to see how far it was, coincidentally calling in the large Asda near us. Two books, two puzzles and a giant painting set later we came home.

I am going to have a knitting day today, and see how much I can get through. Then I need to try and sort out a plan of action.

Things that go bump in the night

Little bear dropped a bucket of books down the stairs at 4am this morning.

He had managed to dislodge all his bedcovers, woken up cold and decided to sleep downstairs, but he wanted to read himself to sleep.

He was such a good sleeper as a baby.

Little bear has a new hero

Little bear has discovered channel hopping. So he has moved away from (advert free) Disney and Cbeebies to others like Nick Jr and Tiny Pop. He found a programme called Captain Mack.

Dear heaven, what a show. Little bear thinks it is absolutely amazing. He wants to be Captain Mack, he wants to watch Captain Mack and he is driving me nuts.

It is perfectly targeted for little bear's age but honestly, I have never seen anything so saccharine in my life. Not even on a Channel Five afternoon film. If I said that the characters were one dimensional it would give them more credit than they were due. (characters, not actors, who are doing a great job and managing to get the dialogue out without laughing) Little bear is now dashing around, awestruck by his hero and desperate to watch all and any of the shows.

As far as I can see it is quite a new show so therefore very little merchandise. That, I think, is a blessing. Otherwise I would be swamped.

Please let this pass so that we can move on to more complex characters, like the teletubbies.

It's arrived!

The yarn arrived, fortunately not in a convoy but in a biggish box. There are lots of intriguing odds and ends, just fun for scarves and blankets.

I am not sure why I am still looking at yarn, perhaps just to have my moment of 'HOW much?'

I confess to buying 100g of black sparkly yarn on the market when taking little bear out. I was thinking of knitting another chain...

I think I will have a knitting blitz and see how much I can get done.

Little bear had nightmares last night, so I once again got little sleep. And when he does sleep I don't seem to so from tonight I am going to be working on no caffeine after 6pm and see how that goes.

Virtual shopping

I have been trying to get away from ebay by tweaking my asda order. But the dratted site and dratted gone down before I dratted checked out. Darn and poot!

Also I have starteritis. I actually get really low finishing something off, but the things I am starting are getting ridiculous - I haven't finished casting on one thing before I started something else. My excuse - the casting on was for a sweater I have wanted to knit for myself for AGES but I got interrupted and then saw a stitch on Ravelry that I HAD to try.

I am not impressed with myself.

I am also not impressed that I am going to be going back and refreshing in a desperate bid to ensure that I don't lose the darned order, no matter how late I end up staying here.

My friend

You can get all sorts on ebay. Yesterday I got 50g of ground cardamom as I was having trouble finding it anywhere and I wanted to try a recipe.

The seller also sold dried mistletoe which made me wonder, but each to their own.

In fact, these days I automatically start looking on ebay if I can't easily find it at Asda/Sainsburys/Tesco etc.

Of course, Amazon has its own pitfalls. Little bear's basic Spanish dvd sort of accumulated all sorts of other bits in the ordering and I am about to sit down with my new cookbook that I really didn't need and don't have room for.

Must stop looking!

Glass!

I need to clear out some glass. We do not have a glass collection around here, OH has to take it to the tip. He hasn't been since before Christmas.

So, all darling father's whisky bottles, the wine bottles and the jars need to go, over a month's worth.

Obviously darling father has not been here for two weeks, but he can easily manage three bottles of whisky per week (with a little help from OH), especially over Christmas or if Liverpool play Chelsea. Then there is wine. We have stumbled on some cheap wine from the local newsagents which tastes absolutely beautiful and is half the normal strength so I don't mind having a glass when I will be on duty for any night waking. And as it costs £3 per bottle, we don't feel guilty if we don't finish the bottle. The freezer is getting quite a few little bags of leftover wine for the next wine flavoured casserole. So that is a few bottles over the last six weeks, as we had this wine at Christmas. Then there are the jars.

I have worked out that it isn't economic to make my own jam, if I have to buy the fruit. Obviously if I get a bargain with fruit or a gift then it may be worth while but the other problem I have with making jam is that I am accident prone and I really don't want to mess with boiling sugar. So I don't save the jars. Little bear has jam, then there are the cooking sauces (I know, I should make my own, and one day I will...) and the paste jars and all the other bits like soy sauce bottles.

So when OH finally gets to the tip it will look like the glass of an alcoholic that lives on Pasta Bake. I am sure no-one would be looking, but I am glad I won't be the one feeding the glass recycling boxes.

Operation Clutterbust 14

The clutterbusting has stalled. I'm a bit fed up about it but this last few weeks have been a bit draining (and I've just had another few nights on short sleep).

A big part of the problem is that all the easy stuff has been done. The next bits need energy/time/focus. Also, where do I start next? One clutter busting book suggested starting from the back and working forward, that is, going into the least used parts and getting rid of stuff from there. The reason was that the stuff there would be rarely used and ideal for a clutter bust and also it would make space to put stuff from the more used areas. There are two big areas that count. The walk in cupboard, which is quite a decent size and has metal racking on both sides. If I could organise that properly then a lot of stuff could go in there, including overflow of kitchen stores. Then there is the junk room, the room that time forgot, the graveyard of lost yarn... It needs a spooky sound track to do justice to fighting through the heaps of stuff, especially as there is a lot of stuff that is heavy or awkward to move. But if I could clear that it would free up loads of space!

All is being made more pressing by the arrival of things from darling father. Soon I will have to find space for a tumble dryer!

Celebrate!

Tonight little bear ate some tea without a full on Opera House production.

Actually, looking at a tired little face, who doesn't seem to know which way is up, and looking at the vast amount he has eaten today then I suspect a growth spurt.

Thinking about it, today's Oscar winning performance was lunch. And I can ignore it.

Sleep?

Little bear had another bad night. He came downstairs to sleep with me at midnight. He was, I think, having nightmares and I kept getting up to put the covers back on him.

I need to work on his behaviour at mealtimes. Last night was so bad. Little bear didn't want what was put in front of him, he wanted something as well. My attitude is that if he doesn't want it he goes hungry.

Poor OH, on the other hand, is too stressed by little bear and starts telling him to eat, then getting het up because little bear starts whining... I am sure all mums recognise this. I ended up poaching eggs in the microwave half way through my tea.

As little bear had been stuffing his face with fruit all afternoon, it would not have hurt him to miss tea.

Between the two things I feel flattened. Also I have had an exhausted little bear look at me from dark shadowed eyes saying, 'we're not going anywhere today, are we?' and at some point the dreadful spectre of nursery will rear its head. It is going to be war. As school is only a few months away it is a war I cannot afford to lose.

Red is the colour

Darling father is, as I may have mentioned, a devout Liverpool FC fan. Today was good.

I am not sure whether this has influenced little bear, but little bear has announced that he LOVES red, he wants everything red, he wants a red vest.

Of all the colours most likely to run in the wash, in my experience, red is the worst offender. Little bear already has pink vests.

I am considering using this to see whether I can get little bear to wear long sleeves (if it is a red t shirt) or even - shock horror - a sweater. Little bear doesn't like sweaters and grumbles if he is in long sleeves.

I don't think I will try it, however, as the wind will change and little bear will then be enamoured by yellow or green. This is one very good reason why I refuse to spend a lot on little bear's clothes.

However he is wandering around saying 'hup, hup, hup' a lot as his trainers have arrived and he does look the bobby dazzler.

Take cover!

Darling father arrived today, and then taught little bear to flick elastic bands.

Evil cat is looking very cautious

Damn, not outbid. I have probably got a great bargain that I really didn't need. Just one more moment of madness haunting me now. Fingers crossed I will lost this!

Almost outbid on another moment of madness, and fingers crossed someone will want it more and bid in the next few hours.

Fingers crossed!

One more question about when little bear's trainers are finally going to get here and I am going to cry.

Little bear still needs sleep

It has been a bright and stormy day. I don't know how I am going to sleep through it tonight.

I have been outbid on one moment of madness, just two more moments of madness, fingers crossed! Though I have been shopping on ebay. Little bear has to have sporty fancy dress. He told me 'basketball player'. Darn. So he is going in the England Away strip (edited to add, the tracksuit version, that isn't shorts and thus suitable for our weather) with trainers and I am lying.

As for the trainers, of course he doesn't have any. I am trying to be good. However at the moment I struggle to get him in anything but boots or slippers. He has huge Scooby Doo slippers currently which he won't part with unless he is out of the house. So the expensive, correctly fitted Clark's shoes are not getting the airing they deserve. Mind you, it has been wellie weather so far this year. So I asked his opinion on trainers. His little face lit up. I thought they were teenagers before they got into expensive trainers. Regardless, little bear spent most of the morning complaining that the trainers had not yet materialised around his feet because he needed them to do his exercises NOW. His exercises consist of bouncing up and down and hurtling round like a lunatic with extra points if he can chase evil cat. I am already sick of these dratted trainers and if there is a delay in them arriving I will be driven scattier.

In the afternoon little bear hit a target on his wall chart and I immediately took him into town to get the reward. I think it is a clear indication of how little bear is when he fell asleep on the bus on the way into town - less than ten minutes after getting on the bus and being excited about the trip.

We managed to pick up the toy, thank goodness, and struggled home. Little bear was still tired, and he fell asleep tonight like a shutter falling down. His eyes were closing while I was still singing, and that is unheard of.

I hope to have a long lie in on Sunday - I can't wait!

Lightbulb

I know why I'm grumpy - I haven't written in over a month! It just has been too tough when I am tired or busy or ill or little bear is poorly.

Must write something tomorrow.

Need to plan

I feel a bit adrift. I think that is adding to my grumpy mood. I think the 'those who fail to plan, plan to fail' applies at the moment.

I need to plan food - and stick to it!

I need to plan for Christmas, especially if I am going to knit sweaters.

I need to plan to get little bear out and stimulated.

I need to plan how I am going to fit all the stuff from darling father's into our home.

I just need to get some structure to my time. And every time I try that something happens.

I am going to think carefully, but I think yarn as reward is looking extremely likely, it has worked in the past. Now all I need to do is plan the time to make the plans.

Closed road

The road above our house is being closed. All interested parties have been informed that this road is being closed to do something with tarmac.

However both ends of our street feed into the bit that was closed. I only found out about it by chance, it would have been nice to have known about it officially.

It will be interesting seeing how this works out. It will cause havoc for local businesses but as it is for only a week then it's not too bad.

Dilemma

I really want to cheer myself up by shopping.

There is practically nothing I actually need, especially not yarn. Or books. Or toys for little bear. Or clothes for little bear.

I could perhaps do with a new pair of trainers. I am always tripping over these laces, which I can't seem to keep tied for love nor money. Given my track record I am seriously considering buying a pair that have a velcro fasteners. Shoes are not currently comfortable, I can't face boots that look like army boots and I am in a lot of pain in my left foot (I am sure it is psychosomatic, but it is pretty irritating when I try and walk). So trainers that are properly made and supportive are my best bet.

So, I want to shop and I could reasonably do with new trainers - sounds like a plan? I just can't bring myself to buy another pair until these fall apart. I can buy completely unnecessary yarn without a flinch but actually quite useful and sensible trainers are making me stutter.

I shall do some preliminary shopping around.

Acute case

I am suffering from a very large dose of self pity. This is not good. What I need is a large helping of motivation and enthusiasm. However evil cat was tap dancing on me most of the night and little bear decided to start the day at 5am. This is not positive. I was already shattered.

I am creaking along. I fancy shopping, but don't want to spend money. I am hoping I will get outbid on a couple of bids in the next few days - if I don't it will be difficult as I can't find a dratted thing anyway and a large heap of yarn isn't going to help.

I am trying to remember that I don't actually need anything. This is hard to focus on. Actually anything is hard to focus on as all those who have sleep problems will know.

Really, there is nothing to be grumpy about, so hopefully I will be able to focus on that and cheer up!

Grumpy

My arm hurt too much to have a good night last night and I was out of the house at 8.30 with little bear full of breakfast, clean and dressed to go to the drs, but I had the wrong day. I have to repeat tomorrow.

Then little bear took me to the park (definitely the right way round) but the slides and climbing frames were too wet to be safe, so we staggered home. He was too tired to scoot on the scooter so I carried it for him. I was tempted to leave the damn thing at the park, but he said that that he was too hungry to scoot. I had promised cakes after park as a tempt to get him out of the place.

For the rest of the day there has been the battle of little bear's constipation.

I was so fed up I went on to ebay and bid on something random - thank goodness I was outbid. When I say 'random' it was a selection of yarns which I would have had no use for.

And I browsed ravelry and found a pattern that I need to try NOW. As if there isn't enough heaps of miscellaneous started projects piled around.

I can hear chocolate calling.

And tomorrow, after the early drs appt, I have promised little bear that I would take him to replace the car I so thoughtlessly stepped on and dislocated my shoulder when he left it at the top of the stairs. However that was before I got the mail regarding the Approved Food delivery tomorrow. At least that delivery is light on chocolate.

I suspect other parcels will be coming home to roost, but I will cross that bridge when I get to it.

It hasn't really been a bad day, and if I could get the right perspective I could find lots of good. I will feel better after a sleep.